It's not about Acceptance
by red roses are pink
Summary: "Still you love her." Her voice sounds like she's going to cry and she's afraid she is. It makes her feel pathetic; feeling so much for him that it nearly tears her apart from the inside. "It's different." He whispers it, like he isn't sure if it's really the answer. (Set druing 08x07, Debster-centric)


**After watching 'Are We There Yet' I was deeply disappointed and I just had to write something, that makes me happy, so anything without Hannah and without Dexter acting like an idiot. Though the one shot just contains spoiler for 08x07. It's set during Dex's and Deb's conversation about Hannah in his apartment. (First few lines are from the episode.) I hated this scene so much, because come on; Harrison doesn't even give Debra a hug but is totally head over heels when he hears Hannah's name?! That doesn't even make any sense. Debra is his aunt and he knows her for his whole life (even though he probably didn't see her a lot in the last months, but in the first episode he even asked Dexter about her, so still) and how often did he see Hannah? Four or five times? And it's nearly a year ago! I have the bad feeling the writers wanna show us that just everyone loves Hannah so it makes sense that Dexter just suddenly decides to have feelings and fall in love with her without a reason, so they can have a happy end together in Argentina. Seriously, if that happens I'm gonna burn all my... Well, seems like I'm still angry, damn, thought I was over it, but whatever.**

**Beware: English is not my first language so this might be full of mistakes. I hope you tell me where they are instead of ripping my head of and you leave me your thought about this one shot and the whole Dexter/Hannah story xoxo**

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"… and she seems to like him. But maybe she just feels obligated to him."

"I doubt Hannah McKay feels obligated to anyone. "

"It's gotta be operational, she needs a cover-life, it's not like it's a real marriage. She can't actually love this guy."

"Oh my god, you still in love with her, aren't you?"

"What? No. She just tried to kill me."

"Trust me; no one knows what it's like to fall in love with the wrong person more than I do." She sees how he shifts uncomfortably. It's the first time in months that they talk about it and it seems like he tried to forget about how his dumb little sister told him, she's in love with him. It actually makes her feel sick when she imagines how disgusted he's by her, even though he doesn't have any right to feel that way. He's the one who chops people up as a hobby, she's the good guy in this whole mess, so why doesn't it feel like this?

"You know what I don't understand?" she spits it out like it's venom on her tongue "You told me how you don't have feelings for anyone, how you just pretend to have them, so that no one sees that you're a fucking psychopath. You even told me, that you didn't have feelings for Rita and she's Harrison's mother for Christ's sake!"

"I never said I didn't have any feelings for her! I just didn't love her – not the way I should at least." He looks confused like he didn't expect the conversation to go that way.

"So what? You liked her? Enjoyed her company? How long do you were together? Four years? And you were together with Hannah for what – a month? And now you talk about how she's the love of your life!"

"I can't explain it, alright. It's just different with her."

"Different? How? Does it turn you on, when she tells you about killing her husband or Sal?!" She imagines it; Hannah and Dexter together in bed, naked. Well Dexter is, Hannah is wearing some sort of old nightgown, while she tells him about how she put the poison on that pen and gave it to Sal and then made a big show, whined and said how sorry she was for killing her husband. They both laugh and she tells him about the woman she killed for Randall, how great it was, how she was covered in her blood, while she stabbed her again and again. She can see how Dexter's cock is getting harder, how he licks his lips and starts touching Hannah through her nightgown. She wants to vomit.

"It's not like that, it's not about her being a killer. It's more about how she made me feel. For the first time in my life I felt fully accepted, I could tell her everything and she would understand… I didn't have to hide anything from her."

"That's what the whole thing is about?" she wants to laugh and to cry and wants to hit him and shoot him in his stupid face all at once, "You're such a fucking asshole! You made me feel like you didn't give a shit about me through nearly all our childhood and what did I do? I accepted it! You didn't want to tell me anything personal about yourself, I thought everyone deserves privacy, so I accepted it! I found out you're a fucking serial killer and when fixing you didn't work I accepted it and killed my boss who was my fucking friend for _you_! This is not about acceptance Dex, because if it were, you would be married to me by now."

"Deb…" His eyes are full of something that looks like pain, "You are my sister."

"Oh, don't give me that shit. If I were just your sister you would have killed me when I walked into that church, just like you killed your brother."

"This was different!"

"Why? Why was it different? I saw what you did there, I could have gone to the police or arrested you by myself every moment and you let me go. Why?" It's the question she wanted to ask him since she found that freaking box in his fan; why didn't he kill her. He had all the reasons to and still let her go. If she's honest with herself, she isn't sure if she wants to hear the answer.

"Because I love you!" He says it like it's a defeat, like she won some battle she didn't know they were fighting. It's actually exactly what she wanted to hear; still it doesn't feel like a victory, it just hurts more like ever before.

"Still you love her." Her voice sounds like she's going to cry and she's afraid she is. It makes her feel pathetic; feeling so much for him that it nearly tears her apart from the inside.

"It's different." He whispers it, like he isn't sure if it's really the answer.

"Yeah, right, it's different." Maybe it's just like in high school; all the boys fall for the pretty, blond bitch, no matter how much nicer or better you are; you are just not like her. She doesn't even have to do anything for the boys to fancy her, she just has to smile and look like a damsel in distress and everyone falls head over heels for her and you will never be the number one.

"You are my sister, Deb." It sounds pleading. _Just leave it alone, Deb. Don't be so stupid, Deb. _She almost means to hear her father's voice in her head.

"No, I'm not." And it's true and not just because they aren't related, but because he never was a brother to her, not really anyway. When they were kids, they didn't have a lot in common, they didn't even saw each other most of the time, but when they were teenagers and he was weirder than ever and her life felt like hell sometimes, they started supporting each other. Not with talking or anything like that, but by sitting on the couch together after a long day and just giving the other one the feeling, that there was someone who cared, who fucking accepted every shit the other one had done. (When she looks back at it, she's pretty sure, she was the only one who didn't make him feel like a monster and that makes her unreasonably sad.) No, they never were like siblings, at least not in her opinion; they started as friends, best friends, and became somehow a couple over the years – just without the sex.

He doesn't say anything for a long time and she wonders if he thinks the same; that 'siblings' was never enough to describe them. "I was raised like that."

"I know, but he's dead. You don't have to do what he said anymore." It suddenly doesn't hurt to say it, for the first time in twenty years she feels like she made peace with her father and his death. It's sort of freeing. "Just think about it. She isn't the only one who can accept you. I will always be on your side, no matter what and at least I'm not a reckless bitch. You're already a serial killer thinking about marrying your sister won't kill you."

She laughs quietly by saying those words and he gives her a little smile. "Did you just propose to me?"

"You wish, bastard. " They are silent and she feels somewhat comfortable, though the air around them is still full of tension. "I want her gone, Dex."

"I know", he says. And after a while: "I'll take care of it." _One way or another. _


End file.
